“Why Can’t I Just Let This Go?”
It’s a question many people ask themselves after experiencing trauma. Maybe it’s been years, even decades, and yet the memories still surface—uninvited, vivid, and raw. Maybe you’ve tried to push it away, bury it under distractions, or tell yourself it shouldn’t matter anymore. And yet, it lingers.
Well-meaning friends or even therapists might say, “You just have to move on.” But if it were that simple, you would have done it already. The truth is, trauma isn’t something we can simply “get over” through sheer willpower. It’s not just a bad memory—it’s an imprint on the nervous system, a disruption in the body-mind connection that won’t be ignored.
This isn’t a failure of resilience or a lack of strength. It’s neuroscience.
Trauma Isn’t Just a Memory—It’s an Experience Trapped in the Body
Most experiences from our past become part of an integrated life story. They may shape us, but they don’t hijack us. Trauma, however, is different.
When we go through something overwhelming—whether it’s a single catastrophic event or the slow erosion of safety over time—our nervous system doesn’t always process it the way it does with ordinary memories. Instead of being neatly stored away, trauma gets stuck in a fragmented, unprocessed form, held not just in the mind but in the body.
Why? Because trauma overwhelms the brain’s processing system, particularly the areas responsible for making sense of experience. Research using brain imaging shows that during traumatic recall, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logic, reflection, and meaning-making—tends to go offline. Meanwhile, the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, lights up as if the threat is happening right now.
This means that instead of remembering trauma as something from the past, the body and brain re-experience it in the present. The heart races, muscles tense, emotions flood in, and the rational mind struggles to keep up.
This is why telling someone (or telling yourself) to “just move on” is like telling a drowning person to “just swim.” If the nervous system is still caught in survival mode, logic alone isn’t enough to override it.
Why Suppression Doesn’t Work (and Can Make It Worse)
A common coping strategy—often unconscious—is to suppress or avoid trauma-related emotions and memories. The logic seems sound: if thinking about it is painful, wouldn’t it be better not to think about it?
But the brain doesn’t work that way. Avoidance doesn’t erase trauma; it just forces it underground, where it continues to influence emotions, relationships, and even physical health. Studies show that unprocessed trauma is linked to chronic stress, autoimmune disorders, digestive issues, and persistent emotional dysregulation.
Suppression also keeps the trauma memory in its unprocessed state. Every time it resurfaces, the brain reacts as though the threat is still present, reinforcing the same physiological responses over and over. Instead of moving forward, the nervous system remains caught in a loop, waiting for resolution.
Processing Trauma: The Path to Real Healing
If “just moving on” isn’t the answer, then what is?
Healing from trauma doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means integrating it—allowing the brain and body to fully process the experience so it no longer hijacks the present.
Here’s what that process often involves:
Re-establishing Safety in the Nervous System
Healing doesn’t happen in a state of survival. Before we can process trauma, the nervous system needs to feel safe enough to explore what happened without becoming overwhelmed by it. Somatic therapies, breathwork, and grounding techniques can help regulate the body’s stress response so that past experiences can be approached with more stability.
Moving from Implicit to Explicit Processing
Trauma is often stored in the implicit memory system—felt in sensations, emotions, and body responses rather than clear, logical memories. Therapeutic approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), sensorimotor therapy, and trauma-focused cognitive work help bring these fragmented pieces into explicit memory, where they can be understood and integrated.
Engaging the Whole Brain in the Healing Process
Since trauma tends to shut down rational processing, engaging the prefrontal cortex is crucial. Journaling, storytelling, and meaning-making can help give words to what was once just raw sensation. Practices like mindfulness and meditation also help strengthen the brain’s ability to observe rather than react, creating space between the past and the present.
Reconnecting with the Body
Because trauma lives in the nervous system, healing isn’t just about talking—it’s also about feeling. Movement, breathwork, and sensory-based therapies (like sound, scent, or tactile grounding) can help complete the body’s unfinished stress responses, releasing stored trauma in a way words alone cannot.
Moving Through, Not Just Moving On
The real path forward isn’t about forgetting, suppressing, or “getting over it.” It’s about moving through it—allowing the nervous system to complete the process it never got the chance to finish.
Trauma healing isn’t linear, and it isn’t about forcing ourselves to “feel better” on a deadline. It’s about honoring what the body and mind have been through and giving them the space, tools, and time they need to integrate the past into a life that is no longer defined by it.
So if you’ve ever wondered why you can’t “just move on,” know this: it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your brain and body are still waiting for resolution. And real healing isn’t about forcing yourself to forget—it’s about finally being free.
Comentarios